by Roch ParisienBefore finding God and Gospel, Pat Boone first made a living in the '50s gumming his way through early rock & roll and rhythm & blues covers, turning out risible whitebread pap for the masses. Boone would now have us believe, 40 years on, that he has lost religion to suddenly embrace the mighty masters of metal. There is no logical reason for human beings to deliberately expose themselves to Mr. Boone's new wash-off tattoo, Harley fixation, and deadpan milktoast delivery as he, his cookie-cutter female background chorus, and underachieving big band samba their way to Deep Purple's "Smoke on the Water," and jive to Guns N' Roses' "Paradise City," and swing through the most ludicrous read imaginable of Metallica's "Enter Sandman." Other abominations include Alice Cooper's "No More Mr. Nice Guy," Ozzie's "Crazy Train" and that ultimate nightclub closer...(wait for it)...Led Zeppelin's "Stairway to Heaven."