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Adelaide's Lament (from "Guys and Dolls") - Carol Burnett

The average unmarried female

Basic'lly insecure

Due to some long frustration

May react

With the sychosomatic symptoms

Difficult to endure

Affecting the upper respiratory tract

In other words

Just from waiting around

For that clean little band of gold

A person can develop a cold

You can spray her wherever you figure

The streptococci lurk

You can give her a shot

For whatever she's got

But it just won't weak

If she's tired of getting that fish-eye

From the hotel clerk

A person

Can develop but cold

Is this here

The female remaining single

Just in the legal sense

Shows a neurotic tendency

See note note

Note chronic organic syndromes

Toxic and hypertense

Involving the eye

The ear and the nose and throat

In other words

Just from worrying

Whether the wedding is on or off

A person

Can develop a cough

You can feed her all day

With the vitaming a

And the bromo fizz

But the medicine never

Gets anywhere near

Where the trouble is

If she's getting a kind

Of name for herself

And the name ain't his

A person

Can develop a cough

And further more a

Just from stalling

And stalling and stalling

The wedding trip

A person

Can develop la grippe

When they get on a train

For niag'ra

And she can hear church bells chime

The compartment is air conditioned

And the mood sublime

Then they get off at saratoga

For the fourteenth time

My person

Can develop la grippe

La grippe la post nasal drip

With the wheezes

And the sneezes

And a sinus that's really a pip

From a lack of community property

And a feeling she's getting too old

A person

Can develop

A bad bad cold