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The Old Payola Roll Blues - Stan Freberg

Written by：Stan Freberg

Alright we got the tenor sax vocal group

Piano drums and guitar

We're all set to make a hit rock roll record

Now let's hear it

Hold it hold it something's missing

A teenage idol man

You don't have a teenage idol

Oh yeah yeah wait here I'll get one

Hey kid

Who me

Yeah can you sing

No

Good come with me

Say where were you going just now

I was on my way to high school

Perfect

Now you stand up there in front of that

Microphone and say high school when I point at ya

Kid you're gonna be a big record star

Oo oo

Hey that's good too throw that in now here we go

High school oo oo

High school oo oo

High school

High school

High school

Oo oo

Hey wait a minute

What did you put that on the end for

Well it was just a little you know embellishment

Oh yeah you keep that up and the first thing you know

This record'll swing

And then were will we be

Yeah

Okay you guys that's the first side

Isn't that a kinda short song

Yeah it gets more plays that way

Oh I see

Oh by the way what's your name

Clyde ankle

Perfect

But I can't sing

What's that got to do with anything

You got all the requirements

A pretty face and a pompadour

Well do I get to pose beside a tiger

Nah that's been done

Maybe we'll get you a moose

Well maybe now I can have my adnoids taken out

What and ruin your amature standing

Well could you at least get me a date with that mouseketeer

That's grown up

Alright we'll see

Oh boy

Ah now you're gonna go three nights a week

For finger snapping lessons

Oo I've wanted to do that for as long as I've

Been in show biz

Hey wait a second

How long have you been in show biz

About a minute and a half

Oh now let's see if you can act humble

In front of the press

Okay oh I'll never replace elvis

All right

He's the king

All right all right all ready

Don't over do it

Hey how can we be sure

The girls are gonna scream at me

Ah don't worry will ya kid

I got a screaming machine right here

Yeah

It replaces a teenage audiance

We put it in the back of the

Auditorium push the button panicsville here listen

Will you get out of that drummer's lap

Wow bent my cymbal man

Now here's some variations

Whoops wrong croud

Well let's do the other side of the record

I'll turn on the machine here and there

Uh huh

Yeah so you can you know get conditioned to it

Yeah okay

What am I gonna use for words on this side

Who cares

Say the first thing that comes into your head

Okay what are you gonna do with that sharp stick

Oh never mind what I'm gonna do with it

Just sing will ya

Here we go

Well I was on my way to high school

When a guyyyyyyyyy came through the door woo

And he said he was gonna make me a bigggggggg

Record star

I said I can't sing woo

He said it doesn't matter woo

He said you got a pretty face and a pommmmpadour

Aaaaaahh

Don't need anything

But a pretty face mm woo

And long black hair to toss ooo

With the possssssible exception of blue cross ooo

Oh perfect stick with me kid

Clyde ankle is gonna jump up the charts

He is if you keep on with that stick man

All right

Well you really think you can get any disc jockeys

To play my songs

It's getting tougher but

I'm on my way to see one right now

Any other side the riten

Oh boy

Right after I stop off at the bank

Ha the old payola roll blues huh

What kind of a crack is that

That's an insult to my integrity