@migu music@

Albert Evacuated - Stanley Holloway

Have you heard how young Albert Ramsbottom

Was evacuated from home

With his mother clean socks and a toothbrush

Some syrup of figs and a comb

The stick with the orses ead andle

They decided that they'd leave behind

To keep safe with the things they weren't wanting

Like their gasmasks and thinks of that kind

Pa saw them off at the station

And shed a few crocodile tears

As he waved them goodbye from the platform

Twas the best break he'd had in ten years

Ma got corner seat for young Albert

Who amused all the rest of the team

By breathing hot breaths on the window

And writing some swear words in steam

They arrived at last somewhere in England

And straight to their billet were shown

Ther was one room for mother

But Albert was in a small room of his own

The very first night in the blackout

Young Albert performed quite a feat

By hanging head first from the window

And shining his torch down the street

It flashed on an ARP warden

Patrolling with leisurely gait

Good Heavens he said it's Tarzan

I'd better go investigate

So reading his book of instructions

To make himself doubly sure

Then in an official manner

Proceeded to knock on the door

It was opened by Mrs Ramsbottom

Now then said she what's to do

And in stern air warden manner he said

I'm going to interrogate you

This fair upset Mrs Ramsbottom

Her face was a picture to see

I'll have you know you'll do nowt of the sort

I'm a respectable woman said she

Has your son been evacuated

Said the ARP man at the door

He'd all them things done as a baby said mother

He's not being done anymore

Be off now said Mrs Ramsbottom

As she bustled him out of the porch

And the ARP man patted Albert

And then confiscated his torch

Now that were unlucky for Albert

He had no torch to see him to bed

But being a bright little fellow

He switched on the hal light instead

Put out that light a voice shouted

Where's the men of our ARP

I've told them already the warden replied

They take no bloody notice of me

Soon Mrs Ramsbottom and Albert

Were feeling quite homesick and sad

So they thanked the landlady most kindly

And prepared to go back home to Dad

When at last they reached home to Father

They were fed up and had quite enough

But in the front parlour they found six young women

And Father were doing his stuff

Hello Mother said Mr Ramsbottom

Come right on in don't be afraid

When you went away I joined Ambulance Corps

I'm instructing the girls in first aid

First aid said Mrs Ramsbottom

With a horrible look on her brow

If ever you wanted first aid in your life

By gum you'll be wanting it now