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The 'Ole In The Ark - Stanley Holloway

One evening at dusk as noah stood on his ark

Putting green oil in starboard side lamp

His wife came along and said noah summat's wrong

Our cabin is getting quite damp

Noah said is that so then he went down below

And found it were right what she'd said

For there on the floor quite a puddle he saw

It was slopping around under t bed

Said he there's an ole in the bottom somewhere

We must find it before we retire

Then he thowt for a bit and he said aye that's it

A bloodhound is what we require

So he went and fetched bloodhound

From place where it lay

Tween the skunk and the polecat it were

And as things there below were a trifle so so

It were glad of a breath of fresh air

They followed the sound as it went sniffing round

Til at last they located the leak

Twere a small hole in the side about two inches wide

Where a swordfish had poked in its beak

And by gum how the wet squirted in through that hole

Well young shem who at sums was expert

Worked it out on his slate that it came at the rate

Of per gallon per second per squirt

The bloodhound tried hard to keep water in check

By lapping it up with his tongue

But it came in so fast through that hole that at last

He shoved in his nose for a bung

The poor faithful hound he were very near drowned

They dragged him away none too soon

For the stream as it rose pushed its way up his nose

And blew him up like a balloon

And then mrs noah shoved her elbow in thole

And said eh it's stopped I believe

But they found very soon as she'd altered her tune

For the water had got up her sleeve

When she saw as her elbow weren't doing much good

She said to noah I've an idea

You sit on the leak and by tend of the week

There's no knowing the weather may clear

Noah didn't think much to this notion at all

But reckoned he'd give it a try

On the ole down he flopped and the leaking all stopped

And all except him was quite dry

They took him his breakfast and dinner and tea

As day after day there he sat

Til the rain was all passed and they landed at last

On top side of mount ararat

And that is how noah got them all safe ashore

But ever since then strange to tell

Them as helped save the ark has all carried a mark

Aye and all their descendants as well

That's why dog has a cold nose and ladies cold elbows

You'll also find if you enquire

That's why a man takes his coat tails in hand

And stands with his back to the fire