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The Lion And Albert - Stanley Holloway

There's a famous seaside place called Blackpool

That's noted for fresh air and fun

And Mr and Mrs Ramsbottom

Went there with young Albert their son

A grand little lad was young Albert

All dressed in his best quite a swell

With a stick with an orse's ead andle

The finest that Woolworth's could sell

They didn't think much to the ocean

The waves they was fiddling and small

There was no wrecks and nobody drownded

Fact nothing to laugh at at all

So seeking for further amusement

They paid and went into the zoo

Where they'd lions and tigers and cam els

And old ale and sandwiches too

There were one great big lion called Wallace

His nose was all covered with scars

He lay in a som no lent posture

With the side of his face on the bars

Now Albert had heard about lions

How they were ferocious and wild

To see Wallace lying so peaceful

Well it didn't seem right to the child

So straight way the brave little feller

Not showing a morsel of fear

Took is stick with these orse's ead andle

And shoved it in Wallace's ear

You could see that the lion didn't like it

For giving a kind of a roll

He pulled Albert inside the cage with him

And swallowed the little lad whole

Then Pa who had seen the occurrence

And didn't know what to do next

Said Mother Yon lions ate Albert

And Mother said Eeh I am vexed

Then Mr and Mrs Ramsbottom

Quite rightly when all's said and done

Complained to the Animal Keeper

That the lion had eaten their son

The keeper was quite nice about it

He said What a nasty mishap

Are you sure that it's your boy he's eaten

Pa said Am I sure There's his cap

The manager had to be sent for

He came and he said What's to do

Pa said Yon lion's eaten Albert

And him in his Sunday clothes too

Then Mother said Right's right young feller

I think it's a shame and a sin

For a lion to go and eat Albert

And after we've paid to come in

The manager wanted no trouble

He took out his purse right away

Saying How much to settle the matter

Pa said What do you usually pay

But Mother had turned a bit awkward

When she thought where her Albert had gone

She said No someone's got to be summonsed

So that was decided upon

Then after they went to the Police Station

In front of a Magistrate chap

They told him what happened to Albert

And proved it by showing his cap

The Magistrate gave his opinion

That no one was really to blame

And he said that he hoped the Ramsbottoms

Would have further sons to their name

At that Mother got proper blazing

And thank you sir kindly said she

What waste all our lives raising children

To feed ruddy lions Not me