The Piano Has Been Drinking (Not Me) [Live] - Dan Hicks & His Hot Licks

The piano has been drinking

My necktie's asleep

The combo went back to New York

The jukebox has to take a leak

The carpet needs a haircut

The spotlight looks just like a prison break

The telephone's out of cigarettes

The balcony's on the make

The piano has been drinking

The piano has been drinking

And the menus are all freezing

And the light man's blind in one eye

And he can't see out of the other

And the piano tuner's got a hearing aid

And he showed up with his mother

And the piano has been drinking

As the bouncer is a sumo wrestler

Cream puff casper milktoast

And the owner is a mental midget

with the iq of a fence post

Cause the piano has been drinking

The piano has been drinking

And you can't find your waitress

with a Geiger counter

And she hates you and your friends

And you just can't get served without her

And the box office is drooling

And the bar stools are on fire

And the newspapers were fooling

And the ashtrays have retired

Cause the piano has been drinking

The piano has been drinking

Not me