The Spider - Flanders & Swann

作曲：Donald Swann/Flanders

I have fought a Grizzly Bear

Tracked a Cobra to its lair

Killed a Crocodile who dared to cross my path

But the thing I really dread

When I've just got out of bed

Is to find that there's a Spider in the bath

I've no fear of Wasps or Bees

Mosquitoes only tease

I rather like a Cricket on the hearth

But my blood runs cold to meet

In pyjamas and bare feet

With a great big hairy spider in the bath

I have faced a charging Bull in Barcelona

I have dragged a mountain Lioness from her cubs

I've restored a mad Gorilla to it's owner

But I don't dare face that tub

What a frightful looking beast -

Half an inch across at least -

It would frighten even Superman or Garth

There's contempt it can't disguise

In the little beady eyes

Of the Spider sitting glowering in the bath

It ignores my every lunge

With the backbrush and the sponge

I have bombed it with 'A present from Penarth'

It just rolls into a ball

Doesn't seem to mind at all

And simply goes on squatting in the bath

For hours we have been locked in endless struggle

I have lured it to the deep end by the drain

At last I think I've washed it down the plughole

Here it comes a-crawling up the chain

Now it's time for me to shave

Though my nerves will not behave

And there's bound to be a fearful aftermath

So before I cut my throat

I shall leave this final note