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Jackson Park Express - Weird Al Yankovic

Tuesday morning, 8:15

I was riding to work on the

Jackson Park Express

Seemed like any other day

Then my whole world changed

In a way I never could have guessed

Cause she walked in

Took the seat right across the aisle

I knew we had a special connection

The second I saw her smile

She smiled as if to say

"Hello, Haven't seen you on this bus before"

I gave her a look that said

"Huh, Life is funny, you never know what's in store

By the way, your hair is beautiful

I bet it smells like raisins"

She looked at me in a way that asked

"Did you have a nose job or something?

I'm only asking, cause your nose looks slightly better

Than the rest of your face"

I arched my eyebrow, ever so slightly

Which was my way of asking

"Do you want my old Hewlett-Packard printer?

It still works, Kinda

And I got a bunch of ink cartridges left"

Then, she let out a long sigh

Which, I took to mean, "Uh"

"Mama, What is that deodorant you're wearing?

It's intoxicating

Why don't we drive out to the country sometime?

And collect deer ticks in a zip-lock baggie", Oh yeah

I gave her a penetrating stare

Which could only mean

"You are my answer, my answer to everything

Which is why, I'll probably do very poorly

On the written part of my driver's test"

Yes, It all happened

On the Jackson Park Express

On the Jackson Park Express

On the Jackson Park Express

On the Jackson Park Express

I knew she was starting to fall for me

Cause she crinkled her nose, which unmistakably meant

"Baby, lets wear each other's clothes

And speak in a Victorian accent

And, maybe someday we can own and operate

Our own mobile pet-grooming service"

I couldn't hold back my feelings

I gave her a look, that said

"I would make any sacrifice for your love

Goat, chicken, whatever

I could never hold you close enough

Let's have our bodies surgically grafted together

Oh, surgically grafted together"

She picked up her newspaper, and started reading to herself

Which I'm sure, was a way of telling me

"When you're cold, I will warm you

When you're shivering, I will hold you

When your nauseous, I will give you Pepto-Bismol every hour

For as long as the symptoms persist"

Oh, I, I never, ever want to see you cry

So, please let me cauterize your tear ducts with an arc welder

Then, I glanced down, at her shirt, for a second

In a way that clearly implied

"I like your *****s"

I cleared my throat quietly, and then, I looked away

And I'm sure it was obvious to her, just what I was trying to say

I was trying to say, "Hey

I'd like to make a wall-sized mural out of all the dead skin cells

That you slough off while you sleep at night"

Whoa-o-Oh, "I'd like to rip you wide open

And french-kiss every single one of your internal organs

Oh, I'd like to remove all your skin, and wear your skin, over my own skin

But not in a creepy way"

Then, I'm pretty sure, she looked at me, out of the corner of her good eye

And, though, she never spoke a word, this is exactly what I heard

She was saying, "Oh!

I wanna make out with you, in an abandoned toll-booth, in the middle of a monsoon

I wanna ride dolphins with you, in the moonlight

Until the staff at Sea World kicks us out

I want you inside me, oh, like a tapeworm"

I pointed to the side of my mouth, as a way of indicating

"Hey, I think you got something on the side of your mouth"

She licked the corner of her lips, as if to say

"Here?", I nodded, implying, "Yeah, you got it"

And, then the bus stopped, at 53rd Street, and she got up suddenly

"Where are you going?", pleaded my eyes, "Baby, don't you do this to me

Think of the beautiful children we could have someday

We could school them at home, Raise them up the right way

And protect them from the evils of the world

Like Trigonometry and Prime Numbers, oh no

Baby, please don't go"

She brushed my leg, as she left the bus

I'm sure that was her way of saying

"I'm sorry this just isn't working out

You're suffocating me

I need some space to find out what life's all about

So, goodbye forever, my love"

And deep inside, I knew she was right

It was time for us both to move on

And though, I never got her number, oh no no

She never bothered to leave her address, oh

But, as long as I live, I'll never forget

Those precious moments we shared together

On the Jackson Park Express

On the Jackson Park Express

On the Jackson Park Express

On the Jackson Park Express

On the Jackson Park Express

On the Jackson Park Express

On the Jackson Park Express

On the Jackson Park Express